Youth Health foundation

There is an old parable that goes like this:

After many days of travel, Buddha arrived at a small town to give a speech. Everyone was happy to see him, except one young man.

While Buddha spoke, the man was shouting at him. Buddha did not pay attention and continued speaking. This infuriated the man even more. He walked directly in front of Buddha and continued to ridicule him. “You have no right to teach others. You’re stupid and you’re a fake!”

The crowd began to react to this young man’s caustic behavior. Buddha stopped the crowd from turning against him and said, “It is not always necessary to counter aggression by aggression.”

Instead, he turned to the man and asked, “If you buy a gift for someone and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?”

The young man was surprised by the question, thought for a moment and answered, “It would belong to me because I bought the gift.”

The Buddha said, “Correct. It’s the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I don’t feel insulted nor accept your hostility, the anger falls back on you, as it was initially yours to give. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me…

All you’ve done is hurt yourself.”

Anyone can glean the moral of the story: Hating someone is like drinking poison and expecting them to die. While that advice is extremely useful and helpful, it is one that is clear and obvious. Because of that, I’d like to add onto the moral of the story by analyzing this piece through a less apparent lens. I would argue that the purpose of the story is to teach people to forgive others and let go–but not only with anger. Looking at this parable only through the scope of anger is an unwise course of action; I would posit that this story also encompasses disappointment, sadness, and grief.

To Forgive; To Let Go; To Love Despite the Grief

A few months ago, I went through this period in my life where I developed this habit of distancing myself from close relationships. The logic goes like this: I, as a human being, do not want to get hurt. Humans often tend to become emotionally scarred by a trusted individual through their wrongdoings or in their absence. Therefore, the logical resolution is to not grow too close to someone. If Y is an outcome I do not wish to have, and X causes Y, then I will not do X. This was my thought process until I met this one person–someone who had a completely opposite viewpoint than me on human relationships. At some point, I started to inquire how they navigated the landscape of close relationships in the face of pain, grief and disappointment. So, I asked them. How did they grapple with the fact that their favorite people will let them down, make them sad, and anger them? Their answer was simple: “That’s just how it is. No human connection is void of disappointment, sadness, and anger. You will never find somebody who is perfect. We’re human. You just have to live with that fact. There is no way to avoid getting hurt. People will hurt you sometimes by just not being in your life anymore, and people will hurt you sometimes through their direct actions. All we can do is accept it, forgive the person, and let go.” In this moment, I remembered all the grudges I’ve ever held, all the times I didn’t let go of someone when I should have, and I realized that it never once turned out in my favor. I thought to myself: Does one distance themselves from their parents knowing they will one day pass away? Does a teenager distance themselves from their friends knowing they will leave for college? No–almost everyone would say that is a silly and cowardly way to live the one life we are given. In this moment, I realized that grief is never a reason to not love; in fact, it is proof of the existence of it. I really do owe it to this person–they saved me from losing myself. For in my quest to avoid pain and disappointment, I robbed myself of the opportunity to truly be human. For when one shields themselves from hurt, they also shield themselves from joy, entrapping themselves in a perpetual feeling of “nothing”. 

But to feel nothing–as to not feel anything…what a waste.

Story from: https://keithrosen.com/2018/06/16/the-buddha-the-angry-man-and-the-gift/